Regretting doesn't help~

just seconds ago, i noticed that a company that i applied for a job sent me an email, asking me to attend an interview tomorrow. and after replying their mail, a call from another company asked me whether is it possible for me to attend an interview for Data Assistant post in their company. too bad i had to decline the offer because the office is in MidValley and they will be relocating to most probably PJ sometime later in this year.

and minutes ago before i check my inbox or receive that call, my sister deeply regret that i quit my first job. well, i guess she finds me being lazy and useless after all. but i regret it most than anyone. i shouldn't have believe their words (yes,my own family members' words) but i guess i couldn't help it.

i went to Kampar to convince my father and brother to let me study in a private institute in May. and with heavy heart, they let me. i know it's quite expensive but it's worth it. my career path is diverse and i would find a job in any sector. so i handed my resignation letter on 29th or March since i need to give a month of notice in prior. i was happy and decided to use my salary on buying my dream netbook (which i did xD). and then there was this MUNSYI exam from USM for whoever applied for any course on the university's site. it was a normal personality test but my family think i now have a chance to enrol in public university. i'm simply tired of explaining about the fact that i don't have enough CGPA to enroll in any course.

now i should have been in my class,studying or revising if i had registered for the May intake. damn. i miss studying so freaking much that i envious of my friends who had started studying in other private institute.

and to add more to my already-annoyed-and-miserable state is when one of my sister said i should just find a permanent job and postpone my studies for a while. i was totally dumbfounded that i didn't reply her text message. so this is what they think of me. a complete useless sister that is good for nothing. at the end of the day all that matters was my exam grades.

there are so many things i regret actually...

regret for letting my emotions control me when it shouldn't...

regret for not focusing in class...

regret for not seeking for help when i had problems...

regret for listening to my family members words and decided to wait for November intake...

regret that i'm not staying at my parent's...

and the list would go on~

but i want to design my own life. i want to take the decisions in certain matter. i might make the wrong choice/decision but i'm sure it will help me to improve myself~

i'm a grown up now~ xD

holla! xD

am back and now i have something to share with you all. nothing much. it's just i had finally got my nose pierced!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

In Indian culture, it's a custom for young girls (those in early 20s) to pierce their nose. we Indians love to pierce~ Just kidding. so my mom and aunt were telling me to get done with it but i have this little fear in me for letting someone to simply pierce my nose,ok!

cr: to whoever that nose belongs to~

so after 'escaping' from them for almost two years, i finally got it yesterday (which means when i am 19 years and 6 months plus). the pain was excruciating but it's only for a while. i think the pain lasted merely a few minutes. after that it was all tingly~

so here's my current look~ bye bye childish look. welcome matured look! xD

Love is weird~

i'm curious. we can't fall in love twice? or maybe thrice? and all of them is not as true as our first love?

love is weird. once we fell in love with someone, be it one-sided or not, it actually affects the way we behave. i had fallen in and out love for...err...twice, i think. (both are one-sided) but i wouldn't say that my second crush is a fake love or merely an infatuation. i know i like him enough to dream my rest of my life with him. that's all.

love is weird. especially when it controls us. you just can't stop thinking about the significant one and probably there's always something about him/her that makes you smile like a fool. they say, if you are in love, it will portrayed on your face. you will be bright and romantic and bla bla bla~

love is weird. if you keep holding onto a guy that already showed a big 'X' sign for your love. why waiting when you know there's zero possibility that he would realize that he likes you anyway and returns to you? in my case, i would simply plaster the same answer he gave to me. although me too holding to my love for him.

as for my first love, i know it was as true as my second one and i had learnt to move on (just stop stalking his FB profile =.=;;) maybe i will fall in love again for the third time (which i don't think anytime soon) and it will be the same thing all over again.

p/s : my point of writing this is to those that thinks love only blossoms once, think again~ you can never expect to be your's wife's/husband's first and last love. try to move on and find another special someone to share your love. after all, love is meant to be shared isn't it? ^_^

Happy Teacher's Day~

i'm quite rebellious but in school, i think i had obeyed my teacher's instructions especially in my secondary school years. i have a very little precious memories of my primary school days which is mostly about my friends.

Primary School : SRK Methodist ACS Kampar

my beloved SRK Methodist ACS Kampar

i forgot what this block is called but this was where i spent two years (standard 3 and 5) and canteen was also in the same block~

this is one of the few places that i used to wait for my school van after school.

thanks to the school's Facebook page for having photos of the school for me to get the pictures of the school. so this where i spent 6 years and it was memorable. and even when i was saving all this photos from the page, my heart aches. i miss this school so much and not even stepping into the grounds for more than 8 years now made me feel terrible. i really hope that i can pay this school a visit when i return to Kampar next time. just want to walk around to see how my classes, from Standard 1 till Standard 6, IT room, huge and bright library, KH workshop, the old piano in the hall upstairs (i doubt that they still keep it) and the gathering hall below where we used to gather before the school sessions starts.

to name a few teachers that really guided me throughout those six years would be Mrs.Ng who was my Std.6 class teacher and Moral and Maths teacher as well, Mr.Termizi who was my Std.5 class teacher and BM,Science and PJK (for boys) teacher, Mr.Daud who taught me KH in Std.5, Mr.Sabri, my Malay Language teacher in Std.5 and Ms.Chan who really taught us to see everything in a different perspective.

Secondary School : SMK Seri Kampar

this school is awesome~ simply AWESOME! i don't give a damn of what those 'migrants' from other school said about this school. when you come as a guest, behave like a guest. enough said.

to talk about the teachers here, i have to begin with Sir Sham. as one could seen (if they knew me well) i'm close with this teacher. i first met him in 2005 when he was our substitution English teacher. and i remember how he looked like. since our's was an afternoon session, he have to go back after his morning session classes and freshened himself before returning to school to teach us. so his hair was long and wet which reminds me of Severus Snape in Harry Potter series. i think i had pointed that out to him and he cut his hair after a few months. sorry,sir but you look good with shorter hair. as for Sir Sham, he's the fundamental reason why i started to blog. he told me that blogging will improve my writing skills but apparently i still got low marks for my writing paper in MUET. lol. without him, my English would be terrible and i couldn't imagine that self of mine. so whenever people praise my good command in English, i would always thank Sir Sham for making it possible. but i have a long way to go in being a good user of the language,don't i? sir sham, i know you would be reading this post so i want to tell you that i'm grateful for every bit of advises and guidance that you gave me in these past 6 years. i hate to break down in front you but i believe i did that twice. i miss hanging out with you,sir~ and always remember that i'm one of your students who really admired you for who you are.

snapped back in 2006~ Mr.Shamsul Fadzali

and of course there are other teachers such as Cikgu Harun whom we called 'dad' since he's the head of disciplinary board (i was a prefect), Mr.Lim Fang Keong, the only teacher that calls me by my nickname "Nanthu" and he's the best when it comes to Maths, Ckg.Azila who made Biology as fun as it could be, Mr.Au, my responsible class teacher, Mr.Prem who was my class teacher for Form 1 (i miss him so much T.T) and Pn.Asimah who revived our love for Sejarah when she took over the class from another teacher. actually there a lot of them, but i want to keep the post short so that's all i can share with you all.

Finally, a word from me. it doesn't matter what school you are in now but always remember to have the fun to the max and it have to be without offending any teachers. because i believe respecting the teachers will make me a better student~ HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY!

I could really use a wish right now~

Another song that i'm really addicted to especially Hayley Williams (Paramore) part ^^ Presenting "Airplanes" by B.O.B ft Hayley Williams.

Can we pretend that Airplanes
In the midnight sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)
Can we pretend that Airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)


Yeah
I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
Cause after all the partyin’ and smashin’ and crashin’
And all the glitz and the glam and the fashion
And all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time where you fade to the blackness
And when you’re staring at that phone in your lap
And you hoping but them people never call you back
But that’s just how the story unfolds
You get another hand soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel
And they sayin’ what would you wish for
If you had one chance
So airplane airplane sorry I’m late
I’m on my way so don’t close that gate
If I don’t make that then I’ll switch my flight
And I’ll be right back at it by the end of the night


Can we pretend that Airplanes
In the midnight sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)
Can we pretend that Airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)

Somebody take me back to the days
Before this was a job, before I got paid
Before it ever mattered what I had in my bank
Yeah back when I was tryin’ to get a tip at subway
And back when I was rappin’ for the hell of it
But now a days we rappin’ to stay relevant
I’m guessin that if we can make some wishes outta airplanes
Then maybe yo maybe I’ll go back to the days
Before the politics that we call the rap game
And back when ain’t nobody listened to my mix tape
And back before I tried to cover up my slang
But this is for the decatur, what’s up Bobby Ray
So can I get a wish to end the politics
And get back to the music that started this shit
So here I stand and then again I say
I’m hopin’ we can make some wishes outta airplanes?


Can we pretend that Airplanes
In the midnight sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)
Can we pretend that Airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)

i could really use a wish right now
i could really use a wish right now (wish right now)
like shooting stars
i can really use a wish right now (a wish right now, a wish a wish, a wish right now)

Eenie Meenie - JB

first of all, i'm NOT a Belieber~ he doesn't impress me in any way and liking him...still would make me a pedophile ~ enough said. but i like this song of his ^^ Presenting Eenie Meenie by Justin Bieber and Sean Kingston~

Eenie, meenie, miney, mo
Catch a bad chick by her toe
If she holla
If, if, if she holla, let her go

She's indecisive, she can't decide
She keeps on looking from left to right
Girl, come a bit closer, look in my eyes
Searching is so wrong, I'm Mr. Right

You seem like the type to love 'em and leave 'em
And disappear right after this song
So give me the night to show you, hold you
Don't leave me out here dancin' alone

You can't make up your mind, mind, mind, mind, mind
Please don't waste my time, time, time, time, time
I'm not tryin' to rewind, wind, wind, wind, wind
I wish our hearts could come together as one

'Cause shorty is a eenie, meenie, miney, mo, lova
Shorty is a eenie, meenie, miney, mo, lova
Shorty is a eenie, meenie, miney, mo, lova
Shorty is a eenie, meenie, miney, mo, lova

Let me show you what you're missing, paradise
With me you're winning, girl, you don't have to roll the dice
Tell me what you're really here for
Them other guys? I can see right through ya

You seem like the type to love them and leave them
And disappear right after the song
So give me the night to show you, hold you
Don't leave me out here dancing alone

Can't make up your mind
Please don't waste my time
Not trying to rewind
I wish our hearts could come together as one

'Cause shorty is a eenie, meenie, miney, mo, lova
Shorty is a eenie, meenie, miney, mo, lova
Shorty is a eenie, meenie, miney, mo, lova
Shorty is a eenie, meenie, miney, mo, lova

Eenie, meenie, miney, mo
Catch a bad chick by her toe
If she holla
If, if, if she holla, let her go

Eenie, meenie, miney, mo
Catch a bad chick by her toe
If she holla, lolla, lolla
Let her go

Shorty is a eenie, meenie, miney, mo, lova
Shorty is a eenie, meenie, miney, mo, lova
Shorty is a eenie, meenie, miney, mo, lova
Shorty is a eenie, meenie, miney, mo, lova

Can't make up your mind
Please don't waste my time
I'm not trying to rewind
I wish our hearts could come together as one

Shorty is a eenie, meenie, miney, mo, lova
Shorty is a eenie, meenie, miney, mo, lova
Shorty is a eenie, meenie, miney, mo, lova
Shorty is a eenie, meenie, miney, mo, lova

credits : elyrics.net

Insomnia~

so my Insomniac era has returned! yup, i'm suffering from this illness for quite some time. if not mistaken since mid-2010 where i faced quite some dilemmas and eventually 'forget' how to just fall asleep in a natural way. sometimes i just have to force myself to sleep as i would have to go to school the next day. placing pillow over my eyes did help me a for a few weeks but ultimately it failed as well.

i think ever since i start to work is the time where i would simply dozed off when my head hits the pillow. and now that i'm unemployed, i'm back to being an insomniac. it's something unavoidable already.

and you know, i have this terrible longing to study and not to work. i wanna experience the tertiary studies life and this would be easier if i didn't screwed up my STPM. my family's financial is quite tight at the moment so my best option is to work till October and then register for November intake IF i didn't get any offers from public universities.

speaking of insomnia, it reminds me of this song which was originally sang by Craig David but a beautiful cover was made by Korean singer, Wheesung. I'm presenting "Insomnia" by Wheesung xD

Beauty is what's inside you~

today tagged along my sister to Mid Valley Megamall to shop for the new addition to their family. but first thing first. all three of us were hungry so headed straight to the Food Junction. the last time i was here was for my meet up with my Maya unnie. she ate ddeokbokki and i ate bibibimbap. so this time, i wanted to savor the ddeokbokki~

yummy! 그것은 맛있 었어

it was fun in choosing the baby's clothes. everything must in blue. and we kinda re-lived the phase where we shopped for her first baby, Visali 5 years ago~ don't ask me what baby it is. i already gave the clue above.

so reached home at 5 something and i just went to bed straight. didn't even bother to change. i was suffering from lack of sleep and the fatigue from shopping and walking just added to it and thus, i had a terrible headache this evening.

woke up at 8.30pm. thanks to my friend's SMS. my message alert tone is kinda cute and i woke up at once. after bath and dinner went online just to realise that :-

1) my FB friends spammed my news feed with videos and messages dedicated to their moms since it's Mother's day tomorrow. so i joined the clan as well. I wish i'm with my mom now. at least she is not alone. she's spending her day with her sisters (my aunties) and my bro and second elder sister. Love you,mom~

2) although i knew about Jaejoong was terribly molested, pulled and pushed and scratched by the Beijing fans last night, it seems that the fans ALSO mentioned HoMin's name during the concert which happens to hurt the trios. so there was a notice asking not to shout HoMin's name during their events. whatever it is, as long as my baby is hurt by anyone's act, it hurts me too~

3) my bestie told me about the smk raja abdullah case. watched the video and gasped. is this how the kids are behaving nowadays? since my bestie is a Chinese and from what she told me is that the reason for the 'beauties' to bully the poor girl is because she's ugly. seriously, wtf? since when not-being-ultimately beautiful is a crime in this world? if those four girls think that they are beautiful than that poor girl and that made them to have the power to bully her, they really deserve serious punishments by legal. my personal remark on this is Karma is b***h so watch out 'beauties'~ the video went viral and the four girls have been identified. it seems like what they did will land their beautiful faces on the Chinese newspapers' front page tomorrow. quoting my bestie, "see what they give to their mom on mother's day...so damn proud that they will cry"

Problem-free life~ wish i could have one

someday in last week, i got really upset with this guy friend of mine who apparently had a drinking session with his friends. initially i was mad at him because he made me worried by not replying all of a sudden. then when i knew he was drinking, i just said good night and off to sleep. the thing is i can tolerate with drinkers but not smokers. so when he told me that he's not addicted to it and only drinks once in a blue moon, i was okay with it. who am i to restrict him from having fun,right? but somehow he started to drink more frequently and i don't think i have the rights to forbid him to do so. and he told me that it's his only way to vent out his problems.

now, why am i telling his story? coz i'm thinking that i'm a normal person too and facing so many problems as well but WHAT is my way of venting it out? and as for him, he should really resort to other HEALTHIER options to ease his mind.

since i'm the youngest in the family and the age differences between my elder siblings are wider, i don't usually share my problems with them. i can't interfere in family problems as i'm considered relatively young to do so BUT the family problems still reach my ears.back then, i have my best friend around so i can always spill everything to her. but now i'm in Puchong and she's in Kampar and the only communication is through phone and MSN. so i'm used to hide my problems from them. i can blog about it but as you can see in one of my previous posts, i had mentioned that i don't want to "humiliate" any of my family members on online for people to read.

i'm amazed by myself sometimes. how can i keep all those emotions within me? i have no idea. but i'm still afraid that one day i will burst and it will seriously affect me. the only thing that bothers me at the moment is my current family situation and i don't want to elaborate more on that here.

p/s : apologies to my guy friend whose story was featured as the intro for my post ^^;;

Anime!

i'm not an anime "otaku"* but i do have some favourite animes that i love dearly~ and i want to talk about them.

The first anime that i watched was Clamp School. it has a cute storyline with three beautiful young lads as the leads. that was the anime that initiated my love for blonde-haired guys. i was deeply in crush with the Nakoru Imoniyama~

cute,isn't he? ^^

After that anime ended, i continued to watch quite a number of animes. Detective School Q, Honey and Clover, The Law of Ueki, Yakitate Ja-Pan and XXXHolic~

actually i wanted to write about the anime that i'm currently re-watching. it's Honey and Clover~
This is a simple story enriched with various of emotions. heartbreaking, cute and sweet love(s) and of course complicated love triangle(s). i would recommend a girl or boy to watch this anime to understand better of the opposite sex's feelings. and i will always end up relating myself with one of the character, Yamada. She loves Mayama, a fellow collegian and too bad it's one-sided love. the problem is the guy knew that she loves him but he can't accept her because he loves another girl. and he feels that Yamada is precious to him and yet don't want to accept her love. pretty complicated huh? that's what i love in this anime. it makes me think human's feelings are complicated just as the human body itself.

more about the anime

and the first episode of the first season of two with english subbed video

*Otaku (おたく / オタク) is a Japanese term used to refer to people with obsessive interests, particularly anime, manga and video games.

i'm blessed indeed~

inspired by a dear friend's post~

I'm thankful and it's...

because i love my current life as it is~

because i know what i want in my life~

because i have plans for my future~



because i bought a netbook of my choice using MY money~

because i had settled the debt that i owed my sister for buying me a handphone~

because i quit crying over split milk~

because i'm back with my best friend~

because i have more people coming up to me and say i made their day~

because i know there are people who loves me for who i am~

because i had the best first job one could have~

because i still love those 5 individuals just like i did when i first met them 3 years back~

because i think i can cope with my problems in a matured way~

because i stood up for my decisions~

because i had decided to live my life as i want it to be~

because i now have a male friend who spends time with me and helps me understand the opposite sex better~

because i have these cool girl friends whom i can share my problem and simply have a great time together~

because GOD was with me all this while and guides me for better~

because i had found back my trust in GOD~

(will edit with more...)

all about me (part 1)

as i posted on my Facebook, i just spent an hour to do some makeover for my blog. i like the background and the header especially~

this is going to be a random post and when i say random, it means that i will write whatever that comes to my mind.

i had seen quite a few people curse one of their family members or rant about their family problems on their site. what i don't get is how can people humiliate their own family members on the net? i'm a normal human being and believe me when i say being the youngest in the family carries more problems than benefits. but i can never show my emotions in my post even though something might have just went wrong in my house that very same day. well i guess that depends on the person itself. i wish i can vent it out like them because i don't know what is my problem "storage capacity". maybe one day i will burst and it shall be a self-destruction.

*deep sigh* finally i had decided to move on. yes, it's my crush that i'm talking about. if a boy can play the "i'm-hard-to-get" game, as a girl i can play it hundred times better~ so watch out,boy. one day, you will regret and i won't look back at you as i did all this while. period.

a month ago, i bought a cute and casual dress. and guess what, it's PURPLE! lol. i put it on and it's quite sexy. with a deep cut at the front *sigh* i need to find a method to wear the dress in a decent manner. can't expose too much coz i'm not used to.